


double dutch rudder

by orphan_account



Series: No Homo [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bro Culture, Double Dutch Rudder, Hand Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 01:17:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2172465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac insists that the double dutch rudder is a great way for straight guys to give each other handjobs. Dennis disagrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	double dutch rudder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trash_boats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_boats/gifts).



> I blame trash_boats for everything.

_Double Dutch Rudder (n): The least gay way for two men to masturbate together. Each participant grabs his own penis with his right hand and grabs the other participant's right elbow with left hand. Both participants work the others right elbow to jack each other off. It is considered not gay because they are only touching their own penises._

It was the fifteenth friend-aversary of Mac and Dennis living in their apartment. They had arrived home from a club at two in the morning, and the both of them were a bit drunk. Mac had thought it was strange that Dennis hadn’t propositioned him at the club, as he regularly did on their friend-aversary. However, when they got inside their apartment, Dennis pushed him against a wall and began kissing Mac passionately.

Though Mac was very turned on by this, he pulled away. This was _wrong_.

“Whoa, dude. Hang on. I don’t think we should be making out in our apartment. It seems kinda. . .gay.”

Dennis pouted. “I don’t see how it’s any more gay than what we’ve already been doing.”

He leaned in to kiss Mac again, but Mac put a hand in front of his face.

“No. In a club, anything can happen. It has that atmosphere. Here in our house, it’s domestic. We have to be careful. No kissing.”

“So we can’t do anything just because I don’t feel like getting on my knees in a strange bathroom? Because I would rather get off in the comfort of my own home?” asked Dennis. “That’s idiotic.”

“I didn’t say that!” said Mac. “I want to get off too. I just think we should explore options outside of kissing. Straighter options.”

Dennis rolled his eyes. “Please enlighten me with your grand plans, then.”

“Gladly. It’s called the Double Dutch Rudder. Now I’m gonna need you to take off your pants.”

Mac unzipped his own, and shimmied them down to his ankles. Dennis just stared at him, dumbfounded.

“ _This_ is your less gay option?”

“Do you want to get off or not, Dennis?” asked Mac. He removed his underwear too, and stepped out of both articles of clothing. His dick was at half-mast. Dennis stared at it, aroused.

“Yeah of course I want to get off . . . it wasn’t in question . . .” he said, removing his pants and underwear as well. Dennis was fully hard, no doubt due to the perfect control he had over his own dick.

“Good. Now put your right hand on your dick,” ordered Mac. He did the same.

“Are we just going to stare at each other while we jerk off? Because I could have already been jerking off right now if we were just gonna do that.”

“No, dude, it’s better than that. Now I put my left hand on your right elbow and you put your left hand on my right elbow. Then we do the movements for the other person. It’s a straight version of a handjob,” said Mac.

Dennis put his hands where he was told, and started to move Mac’s right arm. Rather than producing a handjob like effect, it was worse than if he had just chosen to masturbate alone. Their hands barely moved up and down their own dicks, and there were few choices for friction or speed.

“This is terrible,” said Dennis with an uncomfortable look on his face. “This is one of the worst things I think I’ve ever done.”

“I like it,” lied Mac.

Dennis eyed him suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s great.”

His roommate stepped closer, dropping his hand from Mac’s elbow. He rested his face in the crook of Mac’s neck, and grabbed onto his dick. Then he sucked a hickey onto Mac’s neck and started pumping his dick. Mac cried out in pleasure. Even without lubrication it still felt amazing.

“Did it feel as good as this?” whispered Dennis.

“Uh-”

Dennis got on his knees. Without hesitation he licked Mac’s dick from tip to base.

“How about this, Mac?”

“N-nope.” Mac refused to let Dennis win; the fact that it was a competition now was . . . completely irrelevant to the hotness of the situation.

Mac’s cock was swallowed by Dennis. He put his hand in his partner’s hair, pulling it to let him know that he was still angry. His hips began to thrust, fucking Dennis’s mouth. Dennis put his hand down his own pants. He took Mac’s dick out of his mouth and rubbed it with his hand again.

“Tell me I won. I know I’m winning. I won this time as I always have and always will.”

Mac was close to coming. It was a struggle to string words together.

“I won’t.” he panted.

“I’m in control,” said Dennis. He increased the pace of his hand, and licked Mac’s dick again. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll know when I swallow your come, Mac. We’ll both know.”

He put his lips around Mac’s dick again, and suctioned his cheeks with a glint of pride in his eyes. His face was growing flushed; it was clear he was close to coming by his own hand. Mac didn’t want to think so, but the idea of Dennis wanting to taste his come this badly was so _hot_ –

With that thought he came forcefully, knees buckling. Dennis swallowed it all, greedily. Mac’s aftershocks were still occurring when Dennis came too with a groan, spilling into his hand.

After a moment, Dennis stood up. He kissed Mac on the mouth and rubbed a thin line of his own come onto Mac’s chin.

“I won,” he said, smiling and biting his lip like the bastard Mac knew he was.

Mac had a million expletives he could think to shout at Dennis in that moment. He wanted to argue or maybe to sock him.

Mostly, however, he wanted this jizz off of his face. So instead of causing a scene, he went to the bathroom and showered until there was no hot water left.


End file.
